Judging means making a comparison between ”what is” and ”what should be”. You are dissatisfied with the current reality. This applies to your emotions, but also to the things that others do or the things that happen at all.
Judgment also means confusing someone’s unconscious behavior with who that person is, or projecting your own unconsciousness onto someone and confusing that with who that person is.
Not to judge is to see that the behavior of other people is pure conditioning: it is not who they are, but who they pretend to be.
Start by not judging yourself anymore. Start by working on having complete acceptance.
However, not judging does not mean that you have no backbone when someone does something wrong: you can name someone’s behavior that needs to be changed. Do this while you are alert and present, without ego interference, without judgment.
How to not judge others (and myself)?
1. Don’t look at the conditioning, but at the human being.
2. Don’t confuse people’s unconscious behavior with who they are.
3. Get rid of your mind.
You can achieve non-judgment by calming ”your thinking”. You do not interpret what you see for a moment. Perception takes place instead of conception.
4. Don’t mislead yourself with stories and thoughts (the ego) – Stick to the facts by staying in the here and now.
Situations don’t make you unhappy. Thoughts make you unhappy, as do interpretations and stories that you tell yourself, often in the form of complaining. The ego needs the created enemies.
Instead of experiencing suffering and problems, STAY IN THE NOW. Unhappiness, thoughts and stories can not survive there. Suffering starts when you label situations as unwanted or bad.
Don’t judge the situation as bad, good or painful. Can you accept that moment, with everything that happens in it? If you let it ”be”, enormous forces are released.
Without a story we are fulfilled.
5. Stop labeling.
Mental labeling. If you just think and immediately think about what you see, you don’t see real beauty. You then attach labels to it. You may find in the here and now that your compulsion to label your experiences and senses disappears. You can then see, hear or touch something without immediately putting a label on it, naming it something, having a conclusion about it, comparing it to something … You can be near a tree or flower, and just look.
6. Be practiced in non-judgment.
All you have to accept is the reality of this moment. There may be pain, but not the story around it. So be careful. Don’t dive into the story. Stick to the simplicity of what’s there. State the situation. This is the situation, and don’t add anything to it. You don’t interpret for a while.
7. Assume that everyone is doing their best
If you assume that everyone is doing their best, you will find that you have lost judgment for them.
8. Ask questions.
When you ask questions, you bring more actual information to the surface, so that the stories and judgments no longer have a chance to survive.
9. Observe!
Observe and experience what occurs in the here and now. Without wanting to change it, you look at your own feelings, physical sensations, emotions, thoughts and events.
10. Feel emotions and feelings without a second layer of judgment on top.
Feel every emotion that arises in you and do not find anything of it. Accept all those emotions and feelings. Allow them completely. For example, be sad, disappointed, and down without feeling down about feeling down as well.
11. Just be aware that you are judging.
It’s very powerful just to become aware of something you are doing. This already ensures that 90% of the work is done. This already makes it very easy for you to stop judging.
Just being aware of your judgment is enough. This is important. Keep track of how often you judge in a week. If necessary, go a step further by becoming aware of the question: Where does that judgment / thought come from? Your school? A television program? Social conditioning…
12. Understand the other.
Do your best to understand the other instead of judging the other. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
13. See how your judgment is a reflection on yourself.
The world is your mirror. Everything you say … says something about yourself. Your judgment says nothing about the TV show or the other person, but a lot about you.
14. Train yourself in acceptance.
Accept the person for who he / she is and accept the situation as it is, without wanting to change the person or the situation.
15. Love: You will always return to love.
Love the other, love yourself and love the situation. You will always return to love.
16. Exchange your expectations for appreciation.
We become unhappy when reality does not match our expectations. So don’t have high or low expectations. So replace your expectations with appreciation. Appreciate everything that happens and be grateful.
So be detached from expectations. Don’t have expectations, otherwise things can never be enough. Your life never seems good enough.
17. Leave your unsolicited advice and opinions at home: Keep your opinion and advice to you
Has anyone asked for your opinion, advice or judgment? If not, keep it to yourself. And even when people do ask, stay humble and modest.
18. Learn non-judgment from Alan Watts & Eckhart Tolle.
There isn’t really a book that is explicitly about non-judgment, but Alan Watts’ books – and Eckhart Tolle’s in particular – are infused with ways not to judge. Don’t label, disconnect the conditioning, calm the mind, don’t make up stories around it, observe and accept.